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What is Success?

Julia Ng · Jul 10, 2013 · 2 Comments

Success.

Such a loaded word. It can be empowering, disempowering, depressing and enervating all at the same time. It unites AND separates people. Say the word and the typical association is usually material wealth and perhaps a glamorous lifestyle. Not that those are necessarily bad.

Success and I have had a tumultuous relationship. There were times I found it alluring and seductive. It was even on a pedestal once. Then it fell from grace, and I grew contemptuous of it. Hated it. Hated what it represented, what it did to people, and how it made people judge me.

It’s about YOU.

Until one day, it hit me. I’d been really, really, REALLY stupid. Everything I thought success was, had been implied by my environment. Sure, it was extremely strongly implied but no one ever said that I couldn’t come up with my own definition of what it meant to be successful. I had been working on assumptions all along! Duh.

I don’t know when you realised it, but the day I decided success is something for me to define, it was a very very good day. Freedom! Also, it’s much more a journey, than it is a destination. That gives it room to change and evolve.

Ten years ago, success would have been about doing a good job on a film shoot, or getting a promotion at work. These days, success is about spending time with family and friends, having productive sessions with clients and students, remembering to spend time away from the computer(!), eating healthily, and sleeping early (<- would you believe this is the most challenging?!).

Not anyone else.

The more we are able to embrace different and personal definitions of success, the happier everyone will be.

That was a sentence I struggled with while writing this post. If you take it at face value, sure, it works. But it didn’t sit well with me. There’s an underlying bit suggesting that to some extent, our success depends on whether other people celebrated our success.

And I don’t like that.

It’s not about being cynical a la the Divine Ms M:

The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.

Oops.

But needing people to feel happy for us in order to feel successful is quite unnecessary.

They may not know why being able to make a living being a freelancer means that you are a success. They may not comprehend a situation where you can throw in your resignation letter when you don’t have another job lined up means you are a success. They may not understand that when you have other priorities, you are being successful even when you choose to stay at a job you don’t particularly love.

It’s not their fault.

Success means different things to different people because we each have to walk our path in our own way. If you have people around you who genuinely celebrate your successes, enjoy it and be grateful.

If not, release those expectations and need for validation, and celebrate your successes anyway! (Funny thing is, those people who will be truly happy for you, they show up once you start doing that.)

Size matters.

I used to think of success as the peak of a huge, steep mountain where I’d practically have to kill myself getting there. The problem is, that kind of thinking just stops me in my tracks and I freeze up. Hello, Procrastination.

Once I started seeing that the little things count *a lot*, I decided to break everything down into habits and tasks, and try to focus on being successful there instead. After all, habits = character = destiny. Right? 😉

It’s not perfect, cos the Shoulds still pay me a visit now and then, but most habits are easy enough to do that, more often than not, I go to bed feeling quite happy. And right now, ‘more often than not’, is good enough for me.

Bob Dylan says it perfectly:

A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do.

I’m not quite there yet, but I’m on my way 😉

What about you? How do YOU define success at this point in time?

The Declaration of You will be published by North Light Craft Books this summer, with readers getting all the permission they’ve craved to step passionately into their lives, discover how they and their gifts are unique and uncover what they are meant to do! This post is part of The Declaration of You’s BlogLovin’ Tour, which I’m thrilled to participate in alongside over 100 other creative bloggers. Learn more — and join us!

The Declaration of You Blog Lovin’ Tour

The Astrology of Your Self-Care

Julia Ng · Jun 26, 2013 · 3 Comments

Under the Moonlight

Under the Moonlight by paintedbliss

Self-Care. My (almost) Friend.

We used to have a love-hate relationship. In my head, I knew I had to make time for her (it’s a her to me), but she was the first to be dropped once the schedule got busy. So much association with guilt – it was a “damned if I do, damned if I don’t” situation.

Honestly, when I was working through The Declaration of You (TDOY), I had trouble coming up with a list of things to do for Little Miss Self-Care. These days, we’re working on it and hang out on what I call S.O.A.R. days (Space Out, Align, Recharge).

The Universe clearly wants us to get to know self-care a little better. She keeps showing up in client sessions. People either don’t do enough self-care, or they make time, but the activities they choose don’t satisfy them on a deeper level. It puzzled me for a while, until I finally realised what was going on.

The Trouble with Self-Care. Or Rather, Its Image.

Most things we read on self-care focus on the relaxing aspect.

Meditate. Do yoga. Breathe. Nap.

That’s all good. Many of us lead fairly hectic lives and juggle a variety of roles, and on top of that, we also have roles that we *want* to step into, or experiment with. We literally need to take a breather!

It’s time though, to take it beyond relaxing. (Don’t worry, this is not going to add to your To Do list.)

As Michelle & Jessica say in TDOY, self-care = taking care of yourself. For me, this means:

  • Unwind. Feels less demanding than ‘relax’. It’s easier for me to say, “I’m going to take 10 to unwind” on a regular basis, than say take an hour or two out of my week to go for a massage.
  • Revitalise. Replenish any existing energy that’s feeling low or depleted.
  • Invigorate. Invite new energy into your life. New energy = new experiences = new life. Think of it like changing the kind of batteries you use, or upgrading/refining your technology.

The idea of self-care also needs to expand to include space for your personal preferences. Since each of us comes into this world with a unique soul and its very own birth chart, the activities that you consider invigorating, could be quite different from what I think is invigorating.

Don’t assume that what works for others, works for you too.

Embrace your uniquity! 🙂

Also, some of us have default modes we snap into: old habits, whatever is convenient, anything that doesn’t require much thought. I know I’ve done that. If you’ve ever found yourself in the middle of a massage thinking, “I must relax more” while getting more and more tense physically, you’d know exactly what I mean.

Self-Care & Your Moon Sign

In Astrology, we look to our Moon Sign to look at what we find most emotionally nurturing. It’s not one size fits all, because what’s impactful for you ultimately depends on your birth chart, but below are some general suggestions for your Moon Sign.

Aries Moon

Think solo or one-on-one style physical activity: jogging, swimming, cycling, tennis, badminton. Do “kiddy” things. Dance in the rain (but don’t fall sick.) Fingerpaint. Sing out loud. REAL loud. Any sort of self-expression, preferably with an audience. Aries Moons need to feel they are being seen and heard. Try something you’ve never done before. Experience things with a sense of wonder.

Taurus Moon

Taurus Moons make me think: feed the body & senses = feed the soul. Do whatever is sensual *and* comforting. Luxuriate on 550-thread count Egyptian cotton sheets. Enjoy a cup of intensely flavoured ice-cream. (With food, if you know you have a tendency to over-indulge, set limits at the start so you don’t end up feeling bad.) Get a full body massage with your favourite body butter. Also, get yourself outdoors and enjoy nature – big open spaces or hiking in the woods, it doesn’t matter.

Gemini Moon

Gemini Moons really need to talk and share. Surround yourself with at least a few good listeners (and put them on rotation ;)). Debate for the fun of it. Play Devil’s Advocate. If you enjoy books, you might enjoy a book club – intellectually stimulating *and* you get to engage in discussion and share your thoughts (a movie club works too). Hang out in online forums discussing whatever you’re into.

Cancer Moon

Nostalgia and family are standard go-tos for Cancerian moons. Spend time with your family (the people you consider your family, not necessarily blood relatives.) Visit places from your childhood. Go on a vintage/antique hunt. Comfort food, especially Mom’s cooking. Get yourself to a body of water. Hang out, or immerse yourself in it. Potter around your house. Cook/bake up a storm (and maybe feed your friends).

Leo Moon

Leo Moons are all about pampering. Visit the hair salon – do up your hair, get a special hair treatment, a glam new look – or perhaps a mani-pedi. Go to a salon where they make you feel like a Queen (or a King). If not, get dressed up, and hang out where you’ll meet lots of people, your gorgeousness can be appreciated, and you can put your charm to good use. Give yourself permission to SHINE.

Virgo Moon

“Cleaning/Decluttering is therapeutic” is your motto. Look through what you have at home and activate that discerning sense of yours. Sell/Donate things that are still in good condition but you don’t need/want anymore. Go for warm, optimal minimalism. Body-wise, get a good body scrub or DIY (Sabon scrubs are the best!). Research whatever interests you have, especially those to do with health, or streamlining some life area. Go deep for detailed and nuanced knowledge.

Libra Moon

Visit the art museum or some art galleries. Go to a ‘live’ performance – classical music, opera, play. Watch an art film. See the recurring theme? Whatever you do, do it with elegance. That means even if you rent a film to watch at home, you create an experience: play dress up if you like, turn down the lights, a glass of wine at hand. Reimagine what you think is ‘mundane’, and bring your touch of beauty to it.

Scorpio Moon

Unearth some secrets. Solve the mysteries of the world 😉 If that takes too much time, then journal to peel away your own layers, to explore what lies within. Dream journals, creative or art journals work especially well. Do transformation – you’ll enjoy both inner and outer. It doesn’t have to be permanent, unless you choose to have it that way.

Sagittarius Moon

Get spontaneous. Travel. Randomly pick a place and just go explore the neighbourhood. Smash the plan and go with the flow. Time travel to civilisations past works too. You create your own adventure. Get curious. Explore foreign cultures, new philosophies and alternative streams of thought to get inspired. Dip in, get out. Rinse and repeat. Your world is limitless.

Capricorn Moon

Admire your financial portfolio, career achievements, how far you have come. Delight in your beautiful home (or turn it into what you think is beautiful). Go window shopping and identify some aspirational purchases. You could buy it on the spot, but you get far more satisfaction when you buy it as a reward for something. Set goals and intentions. Make plans. Streamline. Decide to conquer the world 😉

Aquarius Moon

Check out the latest and greatest on the technology scene. Play with gadgets. Deconstruct what you know about something, or literally take something apart, and then reinvent it. Give it YOUR voice. Explore alternative, on-the-fringe scenes. Spread the word about little-known innovations, unconventional thinking. Think big. Imagine what could be. And think far into the future. Far, far into the future.

Pisces Moon

Set intentions to remember your dreams and keep a dream journal by your bed. Make going to bed a ritual. Do stream-of-consciousness writing or freewrite on whatever is on your mind at the moment. Cut out, or if it’s easier for you, drift away from toxic people in your life. In fact, elimination of anything that doesn’t work is especially good for you. Solitary walks near water. Oh, and foot reflexology.

That Pisces Moon reminds me that, in TDOY, Michelle and Jessica not only focus on getting us to list the things we can do to take care of ourselves, but also make us look at what we want to eliminate.

Just say no! Streamline what you can! (Okay, that’s me.)

Try out the suggestions above and let me know what you think. And share what’s working for you too.

The Declaration of You will be published by North Light Craft Books this summer, with readers getting all the permission they’ve craved to step passionately into their lives, discover how they and their gifts are unique and uncover what they are meant to do! This post is part of The Declaration of You’s BlogLovin’ Tour, which I’m thrilled to participate in alongside over 100 other creative bloggers. Learn more — and join us!

The Declaration of You Blog Lovin’ Tour

Setting Intentions: Set it Free!

Julia Ng · Jun 5, 2013 · Leave a Comment

Release

Release by belleandboo

Here’s the last part of the “Setting Intentions” series. (Start here.)

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Release your order.

Why: If you don’t let go, you haven’t placed your order!

When you place your order at a restaurant, you let the kitchen take care of it, right? You don’t follow the staff into the kitchen and watch them prepare your meal. Everything gets done for you while you enjoy yourself and chat with your companions. And later, voila~ your meal appears 🙂

You’ve probably heard about people doing at least one or more of these following things:

  • write a list of very specific requirements for their other half, then ending up with someone who matched most of the items on the list
  • not thinking about being in a relationship, and then meeting a special someone
  • create a vision board, and one day they are living that board
  • write something in their diary as a kid, and then when they grow up, it really happens

These examples are contradictory – some people had a general vision, others were very specific, some didn’t even consider themselves to be in the game. So how did that all happen?

The common thread is, they had an intention, and at some point, they set it free. Their intentions were released, the energy put out there, and they got on with their life while it was all falling into place.

In a way, they kind of “forgot” their intention – it became more a subconscious thing, than an active thing they STRIVED for. This is why Guidelines #1 and #2 can be true at the same time.

Take note: You can set as many intentions as you like, but revisiting the same intentions repeatedly, especially in a short period of time, won’t help you make things happen faster.

Try this: Imagine placing your intention in an envelope, or a white ball of light, and then sending it out into the Universe. Then get back with whatever you were doing 🙂

Setting Intentions: It’s about YOU.

Julia Ng · Jun 1, 2013 · Leave a Comment

respect

Inspirational Print by GraceHouseArt

Here’s Part 5 in the 6-part “Setting Intentions” series. (Start here.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Order only for yourself.

Why: You can only control your own life. You can’t control what other people do, say or think. Don’t presume you know what they want either.

The reasoning behind this is simple. You’d probably not like it if someone else decided what you should or should not eat. Even when it is well-intentioned.

Honour your right to choose, and respect others’ free will.

This means not setting intentions like, “I want my boss to stop giving me last minute assignments.” or “I want my boyfriend to treat me with more respect.”

The only way to actively deal with things like this is to actually talk to them about it, because setting intentions cannot change other people or how they behave.

Instead, flip the intentions. Consider how you would like the situation to change, and the energy that you want to bring to the situation. For example, ask for the strength to have a talk with your boss/boyfriend about these issues. Or ask for the opportunities to have a discussion. Intentions are *always* about you.

Take note: Even when we feel that our intention for someone else is “for their own good”, we have no right. They have to want it themselves. How would you like it if someone else made an intention for you that you didn’t really want? So my favourite thing is to send them good vibes, which to tell the truth, they can get themselves, but it feels like a nice thing to do 🙂

Try this: Decide to catch thoughts like, “I wish X would (not) do Y”, and set your intention by selecting the energy you want to bring into the situation.

Setting Intentions: Size Matters

Julia Ng · May 28, 2013 · Leave a Comment

Set the number of intentions that works for YOU.
Pin this if you like it!
Here’s Part 4 in the 6-part “Setting Intentions” series. (Start here.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Right-For-You Portions

Why: When you over-order, you confuse the kitchen, confuse yourself, and might even make yourself sick.

For example, you first order fried chicken. Minutes later, you call again, “You know what, I’ll have some spring rolls as well.” Then you think, “I’m not sure I want the chicken, but I sure feel like some hot and sour soup.” The kitchen takes your order but you can’t cancel your chicken, so it will be delivered anyway.

The kitchen gets busy with your orders as you place them, and every time you add something on, they are halfway through preparing your previous order, so they complete it no matter what, and in the end, you get a whole bunch of food delivered.

If that’s what you want, and it works for you, go for it!

If not, you end up with a lot of food. If you ate it all at once, you’d probably get sick. If you didn’t eat it in time, it’ll start going bad. What can you do? You decide what you really want to eat, freeze the rest of it and keep it for another day.

When you make decisions in a variety of directions, the Universe will show up to support those decisions. With the right (for you) proportion of variety, juggling different things can be lots of fun. Some of us even thrive on it, but there are also times when it can become too much.

Once you get to the point where you feel like you’re spinning too many plates, it’s time to put some things on hold, de-prioritize or strike off some options. You are the only person who knows the “ideal” proportion of what you need in your life to feel balanced.

On the flip side, if you under-order, you end up feeling low on energy, and probably rather uninspired to do anything. No action taken = No momentum for intention. Yikes~

Take note: Whether you focus on one thing, or a few things at a time, it’s up to you. There is no such thing as setting the wrong intention. The real question is, what do you want most at this point in time?

Try this: Figure out Your Right Portions by playing with timeframes. Set intentions for the year, the month, the week, the day, etc. Also, play with project intentions – whatever you’re focusing on in your life, really. Your Right Portion is in the sweet spot where excitement meets actionable.

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